Phil Receives a Few Sips of "The Elixir"

August 1, 2012
John Griffiths
Hello Faithful Followers! We are getting closer to the day when Phil receives a few sips of "The Elixir". The second Saturday in September has historically been the day that Phil receives the elixir of life that, with every sip, extends his life another seven years. This year will be no different with the exception of the event within the event. In years past we incorporated this ritual as part of our Annual Groundhog Picnic. This year we are attempting something different by holding it in conjunction with the first annual "Phil Phest" a mixture of live music, food, games, and general all around merriment for everyone to attend. I can honestly say that the drinking of the elixir is Phil's second favorite time of the year. For him it's a chance to reinvigorate his 126+ year old bones. While the taste of it is not unpleasant to humans, to Phil it is like nectar of the gods. He would drink the whole cask if allowed so we cut him off after but a few swallows to make sure some remains for scientists to duplicate in case the heavily fortified (think gold) vault with which the formula is kept is breached. Ron and I have noticed there is about a three day adjustment period for Phil after imbibing the elixir. He becomes a little more active in a time when he should be starting to slow down for his hibernation. Thankfully, Phyllis is with him to keep him in check. One last item to cover.....the elixir does not work on humans. I am asked this question every year and while I wish I could say it does, but sadly it does not. As a matter of fact, we used a member of the club as a test subject to thoroughly explore that possibility. We gave him the equivalent to his body weight the same amount that Phil would drink for his body weight. It did not work, and as a matter of fact there was an adverse effect. Gentle readers, I refer you to our web page and the picture of Inner Circle member Tom Uberti - The Big Windmaker. Look carefully at his picture. Believe it or not that man is only 23 years old. Until next time John Griffiths, Handler